Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
