ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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