come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
