I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
