Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
