He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
