I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
