Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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