I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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