Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
