woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
