I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
COCAINE IS GR8
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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