1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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