Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
