What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
