Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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