Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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