I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
