Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
