He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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