do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
