She is in my trunk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
