omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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