I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
