Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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