I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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