I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
