even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we're so committed to being not committed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are my eyebrows?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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