fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
