What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
