I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
