You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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