checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
