We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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