One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
