i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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