You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
