It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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