She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
