Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
