I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
