hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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