This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize