Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
