About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
false alarm, still single
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