Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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