I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
