she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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