she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
