I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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