k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
