I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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