What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
