i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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