i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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