kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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