Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
