Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
