there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
