I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
