Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
