the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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