you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
