Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
