Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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