Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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