I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
