first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
