i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
