wanna go halves on a baby?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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